Agricultural Caress, by John Betjeman

18 March 2015

Discovered by listening to a BBC Radio 4 documentary by Jarvis Cocker on the album John Betjeman’s Banana Blush. The music by Jim Parker is remarkable, and Betjeman’s rhythm and intonation a joy.

//

Keep me from Thelma’s sister Pearl!
She puts my senses in a whirl,
Weakens my knees and keeps me waiting
Until my heart stops palpitating.

The debs may turn disdainful backs
On Pearl’s uncouth mechanic slacks,
And outraged see the fire that lies
And smoulders in her long-lashed eyes.

Have the such weather-freckled features,
The smooth sophisticated creatures?
Ah, not to them such limbs belong,
Such animal movements sure and strong.

Such arms to take a man and press
In agricultural caress
His head to hers, and hold him there
Deep buried in her chestnut hair.

God shrive me from this morning lust
For supple farm girls, if you must,
Send the cold daughter of an earl –
But spare me Thelma’s sister Pearl!

//

In searching for the words to the poem, I found them on a James May fan blog – truly a bizarre corner of the internet I never thought I would visit.

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